Yes isn’t Yes Forever

I accidentally started seeing a therapist.   How does one accidentally do something which requires filling out paperwork, scheduling appointments and driving 20 miles?  Well, the initial visits were scheduled to address behavioral problems with a 2 year old.   It turns out addressing the behavioral problems in toddlers is best facilitated by addressing the behaviors in adults.

Therapy is like having a really good friend who listens well and gives you great advice.  This friend is extremely caring and invested.   Is it weird to pay someone to be your friend?  Therapy was helping our kids cope and I found myself quoting my, I mean the kids’,  therapist.

“Lucy says it’s good for me to do things I like to do.”

“Lucy says I’m holding on too tightly to control.”

“Lucy says I’m doing great.”

Needless to say I was disappointed when Lucy transferred.  I wasn’t sure anyone could replace her caring brown eyes and her exotic South American accent.  When I met the petite Alexandria,  I wasn’t sure what I was getting into.  I missed Lucy.

But after our first session, she said something that stuck.

“Yes isn’t a ‘yes’ forever and ‘no’ isn’t no forever.”

Sure it’s not rocket science.   But I am such a strong-willed parent I want to give concrete, forever Yays and Nays.   It just seemed easier that way.  But maybe I misinterpreted the idea of letting your “yay be yay and your nay be nay.”

He was talking about being a person of integrity, not trying to process information that seems to constantly be changing.

Her comment reminded me that when it comes to parenting, change happens.  Adoption and Foster care are not concrete sciences.  They require fluid, flexible thinking.   I can  make the best decisions I can with the information I have at the moment.  As information and time evolve, decisions can change.

Losing It: Be Kind to Yourself

The first red leaves are emerging from the tree in our front yard, a hint of autumn approaching. It’s a new season and seasons are primarily about change.  I’m beginning to see there is an area I need to change in – so let’s get to it!  Fair warning- it’s about to get real.

I’ve gained some weight during my years fostering.  Not just a little weight.  A lot.     I know there were more than a few nights of eating cookies and milk with my husband while watching Netflix after a rough day.  And there were other days when I opted to sit on the bench and watch the kids play when I was just too physically exhausted to do anything more. Then there were those early mornings when I decided to sleep in instead of workout.  On top of that, there are some hormonal conditions at play.

So that being said, I’m losing it.   Not losing it, but losing this unhealthy weight that I’ve accumulated.  For months, I’ve delayed taking action.   I’ve put other projects  and other goals ahead of my health.   That’s changing.  I’m not starting some radical diet or training for a marathon.   I’m making lifestyle changes so I can live and love well.

I’ll be posting weekly updates on how I’m taking charge of my physical health as a part of my Losing It series.  This week I’m being kind to the one person I often forget- myself!

7 Ways I’m being Kind to Myself

  1.  Eat Grown up Food.  I don’t even like Goldfish.  Why am I putting them in my mouth?
  2.  Go to Bed.  Even if it’s just SO nice sitting quietly on the couch.   Or if I get a wild hair to organize a closet.  I’m going to mother myself and get the sleep I need.
  3. Move More. Catch with the kids.  Laps in the pool.  A walk to the park.  Any and everything counts.
  4. Get more protein.  I’ve always struggled to get enough protein in my diet.  I’m a bread and veggie girl.
  5. Smile in the Mirror.  My body does amazing things for me everyday.  I am generally healthy and able-bodied.   I don’t need a wheelchair or crutches or bottles of pills   That’s something to smile about!
  6. Drink Water.  Coffee is my friend.   And when it seems excessive to drink another cup of coffee, I resort to tea- iced and hot.   I don’t play favorites.   But this leaves me feeling like an icky prune at the end of the day.   So water is my new friend.
  7. Think Good Thoughts.  Okay, so maybe this seems a bit much.  But I can be pretty hard on myself.   If I wouldn’t think or say something about someone else, why would I treat myself that way.  It’s a no brainer.

I set a good example when I’m kind to myself.

Maybe you’re wondering….. Will I be able to finish a Pilates video this week without being interrupted?  Will I sneak out of the house early Saturday morning to walk 3 miles to have coffee at Panera?   Will I finally make that nagging doctor’s appointment I keep putting off?  Will I post pics?  Tune in next week and find out.