The month of August is heavy with the weight of change.   Children start new grades. Lazy summer days fade away as we busy ourselves with new routines.  And the days begin to shorten.

The days seem shorter than usual in my home.  Science says I’m losing around 2 minutes a day in sunlight, but it feels like hours.   I began college classes the last week of August and all my children started new schools.   I was surprised by the emotional toll.  I felt physically and mentally tired.  On top of that, I felt emotionally exhausted.   Excitement, concern, fear, contentment.   I’d feel all these emotions in a 5-minute span.  And it left me feeling spent.

In recent years I’ve become a big fan of mantras.  A mantra is a short, grounding phrase.  For a while, my mantra when plans fell apart was “no one died.”   It helped give me perspective that a change in plans wasn’t a catastrophe.  It was simply a change in plans.  Recently, my mantra (and a few of my kids who felt overwhelmed) has been,  “Everything will be different in two weeks. ”  I’m not sure why I chose the word different and not better.  Maybe because it seemed like the most honest thing to say.  After all, I can’t promise better.  But I can guarantee different.  And I’m not sure how I came up with the time frame of two weeks.  I guess I felt that I could endure anything for two weeks.    Nevertheless, it became my mantra every time I began to feel overwhelmed with paperwork or carpool lines or stress.

“Everything will be different in two weeks.”

And you know what?  It’s been nine days and it is different now.  We’ve found a rhythm. Many of the unknowns have been answered.    The sinking, drowning feeling that comes with a new change has been replaced with a calm ebb and flow to the days.

Certain times, and certain seasons intrinsically hold more change.  A mantra has been a handy tool for me during these times.  Everything will be different and likely better.  Just give it a few weeks.

It’s impossible to ignore the sad reality.  When adults are accused of illegal behavior,  the government policy is to separate children from their family until the situation is resolved.  This heartbreaking practice is happening in our country right now.

But it’s not just happening by the border.  It’s not just happening to immigrants.  This happening right now in YOUR community. Confused?

Children are torn from their family and placed with strangers or in group homes all over our nation..  They need people who believe kids should be with their family.  They need a nurturing, caring home while they wait.  They need adults who recognize the emotional distress they are experiencing.  These are kids in foster care who desperately need a safe place to land during the one of the hardest times of their life.

Don’t get me wrong.  We should be outraged by what’s happening in the south.  As I think about what’s happening and try to separate fact from fiction, it makes me sick to my stomach.  It’s wrong on so many levels.  We should speak out when children are mistreated.  We shouldn’t forget to treat one another with dignity and respect.  We should collaborate with a government that struggles so desperately to provide basic needs and safety.

But it’s important to remember that OUR government can only operate if citizens participate.  Participation requires more than a post on social media.  Without citizen participation, there is no moral compass.

It’s misguided to assume complaining about the problem creates solutions.  It may feel good to get something off your chest, but it does nothing to solve the crisis.

Thoughtful action solves problems.  Love, much like faith, requires action.  Write letters.  Raise funds. Seek solutions to systemic problems.   You may not be able to help the refugee children.  But you can do something.

If it breaks your heart to see the government  rip families apart,  I dare you to be a foster parent.

As television and internet rage about pain and suffering  along the border,  be one of those who are quietly caring for heartbroken children who are suffering.   You have the power to help reunify families.  Get involved in foster care.

“Foster care is the planned, time-limited placement of a minor with a licensed foster family, when the needed care cannot be provided in the child’s own family or by appropriate relatives.”

Foster parents do the hard work of caring for kids in crisis. Their experience is not all that different than what we see happening with immigrant kids on the border.  It’s not for everyone, but it might be right for you.

Why make the sacrifice?  Why go through all the red tape and heartbreak?  Because this is who we are as a nation.   America keeps families together!  By the border and in our backyard.  Click here to take action.

 

 

 

It wasn’t a planned trip. But as we left Lizardman Fest, I saw a sign for Pearl Fryar Topiary Gardens and couldn’t resist driving down the lane and exploring.

The ornamental bushes and trees greeted us on our left. A kind gentleman noticed the quizzical expression on my face. He gently directed me. He pointed out where to park and encouraged me to walk around and enjoy. I found a spot and meandered through the carefully tended bushes and trees. It was mesmerizing. Was I daydreaming or dream walking? It was hard to say.

“I wasn’t important for me to create a garden. I wanted to create a feeling. That when you walked through, you felt differently than you did when you started, ” Pearl Fryar said.

Needless to say the artist achieved his objective. I felt happy, peaceful and delighted. We snapped pictures, stretched our legs and piled in the van for the drive home.

Back at the house I did and little research and fell in love with Pearl Fryar. That nice man who helped me? It was Mr. Fryar! He wasn’t a master gardener or a professional horticulturist. He was an engineer and a self-taught topiary artist. He transformed his yard into a declaration of peace, love and goodwill. He was faced with discrimination in his community. His response? Create something of beauty and joy. To top it off, many of the stunning plants on display were rescued from compost piles.

Mr. Fryar had the ability to look at plants others had given up on and see potential. He knew with time and care they too could flourish. He rescued the plants and gave them a future through consistent care day after day, season after season, year after year. There had to have been days when he wondered if all his hard work would pay off. He had no guarantee the effort would give him the desired outcome. But Pearl Fryar dared to dream big dreams.

Thank you, Pearl. You remind me to tend dreams and nurture the garden of the soul. You’re growing more than plants. And I’ve added watching the documentary A Man Named Pearl to my summer bucket list.

This is guest post from Adrienne Schenck.  She’s a woman of God who finds just the right words to capture all the big feelings.  Her social media post resonated with my heart today.   I  think it will touch yours as well.  Happy Mother’s Day.

Thinking today of the many facets of motherhood… there is a woman in the world right now who is planning to place her baby with us in 7 weeks.
The magnitude of that and how she might be feeling today is not lost on me.

The ones who have lost mothers, or wish desperately to be one, I think of you all and leave a space in my heart for your grief.

To my mama, who is still and will always be one of my favorite people on the planet, thanks for everything, especially teaching me to be strong, confident, and creative, because I’ve got girls to teach the same.

To my husband’s mom, I have no idea how you did it, but thank you. He’s probably the best husband and dad ever, but I may be a little biased.

Happy Mother’s Day to the tired, arms full mamas, to the mamas whose kids have flown the nest, and to the ones for whom Mother’s Day is a sad reminder. Love you all.

Yesterday I had lunch with two amazing foster parents. We talked about the challenges of transition times. It’s just plain hard to be rational and calm when a case plan change catches you off guard. It’s a bizarre emotional journey that you don’t understand until you’ve been through it.

In some ways, it feels a lot like navigating a dense, dark forest. You have a compass to guide you, but there is a deep, unsettling feeling in the pit of your stomach. Maybe it’s a longing for light or a well worn path. Either way, it’s a tricky trek.

My grandma used to say, “We’re not out of the woods yet” when a situation seemed to improve but there were still risks ahead. Parenting in all it’s forms is a risky endeavor. Life, for that matter is risky.

Follow the compass. It’s your only hope in the woods of life. Truth is the compass. Our imaginations can be our own worst enemy. Fear and impulsive thinking can easily overwhelm us when we take our eyes off what we know. With truth as the compass, we can steadily make the journey one step at a time.

Try jotting down everything you know to be true. Let the truth guide you.

Then you will know the truth and the truth will set you free. John 8:32

I’m on light duty letting my body heal. As difficult as it is for this go-getter girl to slow down, I’m following the doctor’s orders. My mind is a bit fuzzy as the anesthesia is slowly working it’s way out of my body, but I’ve been contemplating healing. We live and get hurt. But too often we ignore the healing process.

1. You can’t hurry healing. Sure there are miracles that inspire us. Instantaneous healings happen, but often healing is a process. Through the process of healing we have a unique chance to grow and come back stronger. Did you know that when a bone breaks, it heals stronger that it was before? But only if you don’t rush the healing process.

2. Healing is unpredictable. You just don’t know exactly how the process will happen. It might be messy and down right awkward. I’ll spare y’all the details. Be thankful.

3. It hurts. I had a moment last night where I began to question whether or not the surgery was worth all the pain. Would it really help me feel better? Healing can hurt, but it’s a sign we are alive and moving towards wholeness.

4. Gratitude goes a long way. As I think about the skilled and compassionate medical professionals, my supportive friends and my amazing family, I’m so thankful. Without them it would be hard to get better. But they’ve made this journey a little sweeter.

I’m trying to lean into this healing process, maybe for the first time ever. I think there are a lot of people like me who would prefer to avoid it all together. But in this broken world, healing is available. We need to be wise and receive it.

Whether physical, emotional, spiritual or social I pray that the healing process would be at work in you too.

Heal and be healed friends.

Yesterday,  I finished reading Listful Thinking by Paula Rizzo.   It inspired me by the sheer variety of list making possibilities.   I have to admit, I’m an avid list maker.   That’s probably why I got this book.  Who doesn’t like reading books that affirm what they already love?

Last night, I sat in my car in the dark church parking lot waiting for my kids to get out of youth group.   Rizzo’s  ideas were floating around in my head so I decided to grab a notebook and make a list- actually two lists:

things that annoy me but are beyond my control  and things that annoy me that I have dominion and power over.

A curious thing happened as I compiled the lists.  First I began to let go of anxiety about things I can’t change- serenity prayer flashback.   I realized my emotional efforts in this area doesn’t change anything, but it does cost me precious energy.

Secondly, I realized I can change many of the things that annoy me that I have dominion and power over.   By shifting my focus, emotions and energy away from what I can’t control, I felt energized to tackle things I can control- like my messy coat closet.   (Which I tackled this morning for anyone who cares.)

This is one point Paula touches on in her book.   A list can be much more than a to-do checklist.   A list can be a brain dump.   A list can bring clarity. A list can help you organize your thinking and make progress.

How might making a list help you work through difficult situations on your parenting journey?