Yes isn’t Yes Forever

I accidentally started seeing a therapist.   How does one accidentally do something which requires filling out paperwork, scheduling appointments and driving 20 miles?  Well, the initial visits were scheduled to address behavioral problems with a 2 year old.   It turns out addressing the behavioral problems in toddlers is best facilitated by addressing the behaviors in adults.

Therapy is like having a really good friend who listens well and gives you great advice.  This friend is extremely caring and invested.   Is it weird to pay someone to be your friend?  Therapy was helping our kids cope and I found myself quoting my, I mean the kids’,  therapist.

“Lucy says it’s good for me to do things I like to do.”

“Lucy says I’m holding on too tightly to control.”

“Lucy says I’m doing great.”

Needless to say I was disappointed when Lucy transferred.  I wasn’t sure anyone could replace her caring brown eyes and her exotic South American accent.  When I met the petite Alexandria,  I wasn’t sure what I was getting into.  I missed Lucy.

But after our first session, she said something that stuck.

“Yes isn’t a ‘yes’ forever and ‘no’ isn’t no forever.”

Sure it’s not rocket science.   But I am such a strong-willed parent I want to give concrete, forever Yays and Nays.   It just seemed easier that way.  But maybe I misinterpreted the idea of letting your “yay be yay and your nay be nay.”

He was talking about being a person of integrity, not trying to process information that seems to constantly be changing.

Her comment reminded me that when it comes to parenting, change happens.  Adoption and Foster care are not concrete sciences.  They require fluid, flexible thinking.   I can  make the best decisions I can with the information I have at the moment.  As information and time evolve, decisions can change.

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